When I stopped seeking advice from men, I became a better woman, friend, mother, wife & CEO. My faith in Allah is 𝐮𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞

This post may trigger you. If it does please scroll away or take a deep breath & read with an open mind (please don't leave any negative comments either, you'll be blocked. This is a safe space for women who want to heal)

Decentering men isn't hating men or feminism

It's about no longer making decisions with a man in mind or feeling incomplete without a man (this doesn't include the Prophet SAW or the righteous companions 𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐧)

In return you respect men for where they are & focus on 𝐦𝐞𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐚 𝐦𝐚𝐧

And that's when you embrace your womanhood & femininity 

Like me

Growing up I had an encyclopedia of traumas (you can read my FREE eBook pinned at the top of the page)

Coupled with my emotionally absent mother & often being called the ‘ugly dark sister’ I just didn't know 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐚 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥

𝐈 𝐰𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐝 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐚 𝐛𝐨𝐲. I wore track bottoms, baseball caps & reeboks until I was 16

I 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐝 being a boy would make my life easier, because my brothers would get their clothes washed, rent paid & treated like King

While I had to be the 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐞 one, keeping the honor of my family & being a 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥

I hung out with boys because I felt more comfortable around them 

Until I started my periods & decided I wanted to explore my 𝐟𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞 

And 𝐠𝐮𝐫𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐜𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐨𝐛𝐣𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

If a man complimented my friend, I'd feel heartbroken 

It's one of the reasons why I turned to modelling

𝐓𝐨 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐯𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐦𝐞𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐬𝐞𝐱𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐈 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 (that came from the Daddy Wound)

Although I liked the attention, I'd still feel I wasn't pretty enough (that's the Sister & Mother Wound)

And then I reverted to Islam

What attracted me was how the Prophet SAW 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐞𝐝 𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐞𝐭 when the women covered themselves, after the verse of hijab was revealed

It opened up my heart to seeing hijab as an honor & a 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐦𝐞𝐧 

He never sat in circles with men bashing women neither did he encourage women to stay with abusive men

He had a 𝐝𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 for women including his daughter Fatema RA & his wives

Islam made me understand that I wasn't the problem (although I have my challenges)

But men are often the cause of major issues in society (just look at Palestine. Men are committing mass genocide & men have lost their masculinity)

When a society has failed it's 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐞𝐧, not us women (we are the nurturers of the Earth, but we can't nurture when men are causing so much destruction)

I understood this fine nuance… that Allah was 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 me 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐦𝐞𝐧, like a father would

Which made me fall so much deeper in love with Allah

And then I was told I 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐭 get married because it's 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐰𝐚𝐲 to protect myself (how 𝐰𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐠 was I?!)

I found myself needing protection from the man I married (I was told I couldn't call the police because that meant I've apostated…advice given to me…you guessed it…. by a man)

When I read the Quran, I felt so much 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 from Allah, but that was quickly stamped on in my marriage

I was called the devil, condemned to Hell & had to repent for being a woman

I was often quoted Hadiths of angels cursing me & that the majority of women are in Hell (again another abusive tactic used by… a man)

My voice, eyes, 𝐦𝐲 𝐰𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 was considered devilish & I must stay at home even though I cover

I 𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐮𝐫𝐞𝐝 suicidal thoughts, loneliness during pregnancy, postpartum 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐚 𝐦𝐚𝐧

𝐈 𝐛𝐞𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐝 𝐈𝐦𝐚𝐦𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩 𝐦𝐞 - their advice; be like Asiya AS, endure the suffering, it’s your ticket to heaven

I was often conflicted because the Prophet SAW scolded abusive men saying “you are not from me if you abuse your women” (this is so deep when you reflect on it)

In his last speech he 𝐛𝐞𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐝 men to “look after their women” (he cared about me while he was dying 😭 because he knew the nature of men)

For 6 years, I 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐝 men were of a Higher Power, like God

They were allowed to make mistakes while I had to 𝐛𝐞 𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 𝐰𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧 

Until I ran to my female friends begging for help & they opened my eyes to the truth

𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐀𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐡 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐚𝐜𝐜𝐞𝐩𝐭 𝐚𝐛𝐮𝐬𝐞. 𝐈𝐬𝐥𝐚𝐦 𝐢𝐬 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐦𝐞. 𝐈'𝐦 𝐯𝐚𝐥𝐮𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 & 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐲 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐀𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐡

It’s like the skies opened & I came face to face with all my traumas

I saw the wounds inflicted by men in my life & my lineage

My mother, grandmother, great grandmother all suffered from spiritual abuse

And for the first time 𝐈 𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐦𝐲 𝐩𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐬 𝐚 𝐰𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

That I was seeing my worth 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬 of a man

I realized all along, the advice I received from men, was 𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 the 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐥𝐨𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟

𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐭𝐡 𝐜𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐚 𝐰𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧  

𝐀𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐡 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩 𝐦𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐥…